At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
