Three words: puerto rican gang bang
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
