I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
