my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
