dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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