if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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