just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
