one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
