I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Small penises have feelings too.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
