At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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