I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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