i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
