he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
