dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
