i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
