I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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