I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
