Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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