They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
