OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
