he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
