I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
