How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
