I can text with my tongue
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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