you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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