honey bunches of taint.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
