she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
