opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
