he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
