Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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