Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
