So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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