Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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