We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
