is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
