just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
