yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a search helicopter?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
