Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
