after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
