Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
