I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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