your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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