Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
