I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
