I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
