She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
