If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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