chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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