Where is the hickey?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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