yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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