no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
